Bad At Small Talk

Always Low Prices

 I was at Wal-Mart today, and found myself thinking about those little evaluations they throw at you in the checkout line.

 Know what I’m talking about?

 If you opt to pay via debit or credit card, you are first given a quick quiz on the card-swiping monitor. You run your card through, and the first thing that pops up is “Did your cashier greet you today?”

 You must hit YES or NO to continue, and various issues of liberal guilt always lead me to hit YES, even if the cashier did not in fact greet me.

 But what if this were something employed by other services?

 I wonder…

 Was your waitress attractive enough and friendly enough to the point of making you think that there was some kind of genuine connection there, as opposed to her feelings about the rest of the customers, who clearly are not as cool as you?

 Did your therapist adequately relate each and every issue in your adult life to how you were treated as a child?

 Has your mechanic painstakingly explained the problems with your car in language you could not possibly understand, and have you, being a man, stood there and nodded as if you actually comprehended what he was saying?

 Has your barrista made the act of ordering a simple cup of black coffee only slightly more complex than understanding the NBA salary cap?

 Same as Question 1, w/r/t strippers

 Did your lifting partner bark out enough motivational phrases – including (but not limited to) “COME ON!”, “ONE MORE!” and “GO FOR IT!” – to adequately motivate you to bench press your desired weight?

 Has your dinner date provided just enough strained conversation as to give you the erroneous impression that there is actual chemistry between the two of you?

 

December 12, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment