Bad At Small Talk

Speak Now or Forever…Ah, Hell, They’re Not Listening

 It was the modern way to warm your hands against the comforting fires of a dead relationship.

Two weeks ago, I sent a text message to my best friend, noting that a mutual friend of ours had gone from “married” to “single” on Facebook. Two days ago, my best friend texted me to inform me that the other half of said couple had also gone from “married” to “single” on Facebook.

Now let me prep this by saying both these people were friends in college, and I still talk to one of them semi-regularly. They met while they were in school, fell in love and got married immediately after graduating. I went to their wedding, wished them both well and meant it. Both were Church of Christ, therefore they did not drink, therefore I did not go to the reception.

So here’s my point: I sort of like it when these young married couples get divorced.

I went to a lot of weddings right after college, almost all of them involving classmates of mine who had met on-campus without having much in the way of relationship experience. And while I was always happy to see them happy, there was always something, well, a little too earnest about the whole thing. Like a seven-year old, bored on a Sunday, who all of a sudden decides he’s going to make the awesomest tree fort in the world. And for a moment, you forget that the seven-year old has no discernable cognitive skills outside of Guitar Hero and that he can’t even remember to flush, much less see a backyard construction job through to the end.

At the time, you forget these thoughts because the seven-year old’s excitement and optimism is so contagious.

So it is with these people who met and fell for each other while still very much in their pupal stage. You’re not fully formed yet in college. You’re just not. And you’re making a hell of a gamble that the person you’ve chosen to hitch yourself with is going to form right along the same lines as you.

And but so while I want my friends to be happy with whom they choose to mate with, I also think there’s a little bit of presumption that comes with getting hitched early. And because I enjoy it when grandiose things break down due to lack of foresight and respect for the forces of nature, I can’t help but have a small glimmer inside me when these marriages collapse.

I just want to know who gets the salad bowl I bought at Target.

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December 1, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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